Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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