There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
