Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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