She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
