dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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