i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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