Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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