i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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