i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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