I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
