just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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