All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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