so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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