Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
