What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
