I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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