just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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