Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
