I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
