so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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