dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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