so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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