How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
