I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
