Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
