We're facebook friends in real life
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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