cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
