if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
