yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
