So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
