He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
