I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
