listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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