i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
