He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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