Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
