her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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