hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
