I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
