: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
