I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
