im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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