dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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