i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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