dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
only you would photoshop your dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
