I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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