It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
