i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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