she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
