Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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