have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
