ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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