jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
