Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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