Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
