Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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