i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
