May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
