why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
