Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
