I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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