who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
