I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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