1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a hot homeless man
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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