its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
