I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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