i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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