I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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