I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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