so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
