my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
