I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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