we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
