im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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