You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
